Needs Challenge

Cat hair on the couch really makes me mad!

 

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. The speaker is blaming cat hairs on couch for his emotional state.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement as the speaker is blaming the cat hairs on couch as his reason for his emotion.

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I feel nervous around drivers talking on their cell phones, I value safety.

     

• A need clearly expressed

  We are in agreement as the speakers is expressing an emotion and the need (safety) without assigning specifics.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  If you chose this we are not in agreement. The speaker is expressing an emotion and taking responsibility that it is his need that is behind the emotion.

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I need Bill to show respect by asking me before ordering lunch.

     

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. Saying a specific person should behave a certain way is not the NVC method for expressing a need. Could be changed to; When Bill ordered without asking me, I felt disappointment and was wanting some consideration.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. Saying a specific person should behave a certain way is not the NVC method for expressing a need. Could be changed to; When Bill ordered without asking me, I felt disappointment and was wanting some consideration.

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I feel aggravated when I think I am being manipulated, I am wanting transparency.

• A need clearly expressed

  We are in agreement. Aggravated is an emotion and the speaker is also expressing her thoughts. Transparency is not on Marshall's list of needs. I believe it combines honesty and trust in one word. (The needs list is not all inclusive.)

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are not in agreement. This is an emotion (aggravated) followed thought and then the need. Transparency is not on Marshall's list of needs. I believe it combines honesty and trust in one word.

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Stella needs a vacation.

  

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. Saying what Stella needs is an opinion. We could have said When I see how tired Stella looks, I am guessing she would like some rest.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. Saying what Stella needs is an opinion. I could ask her if she needs rest or ease.

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I feel annoyed because Al is so rude.

 

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. Emotions are clearly expressed but the need is not. This is the speaker's opinion of Al's behavior. I feel annoyed because I would like some respect would be a more clear way to say it.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. This is an emotion followed by an evaluation of Al's intention. I feel annoyed because I would like some respect would be a more clear way to say it.

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Martha was here before class started the last 3 weeks. I feel appreciation and my need for consideration has been met.

 

• A need clearly expressed

  We are in agreement, because the speaker is expressing an observation, feeling and need. This is expressing a met need.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are not in agreement because the speaker is expressing an observation, feeling and need. This is expressing a met need.

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I'm worried students won't respect Albert if his hair is messy.

   

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. We do have an emotion followed by a word (respect) from the need list. However, it is expressed using a negative and is guessing at someone else's need instead of the speaker's need.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. We do have an emotion followed by a word (respect) from the need list. However, it is expressed using a negative and is guessing at someone else's need instead of the speaker's need.

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When you give me that look, I feel like I haven't been understood.

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. Observation followed by using feel to express a thought. To be understood is a need but the way it is used here is to make an evaluation of what is going on for the listener. Could be, When you give me that look, I feel exasperated and I am wanting to be understood.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. Observation followed by using feel to express a thought. To be understood is a need but the way it is used here is to make an evaluation of what is going on for the listener. Could be, When you give me that look, I feel exasperated and I am wanting to be understood.

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When you yell, I am scared. I need you to show respect.

  

• A need clearly expressed

  We are not in agreement. I need you is referring to a specific person and not a universal need. Could have been said, I would like some respect.

• This is a strategy or speaker is not taking responsibility for feelings

  We are in agreement. I need you is referring to a specific person and not a universal need. Could have been said, I would like some respect.

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