Explanation of the skill

This skill addresses the challenge of supporting people in a conflict conversation to make clear, effective requests of themselves and others and work together toward collaborative solutions. It also addresses the challenge of finding what will help people with what they agree to and prepare them for if/when agreements not kept.

Requests have the following characteristics. They are:

     •  Present, positive, action language connected to needs
     •  Requests that are not demands (compassionate giving)
     •  Attempting to meet the needs of all concerned (interdependence)

In supporting agreements in the Support phase, you may want to keep the following in mind:

     •  Clarity about present intention vs. future occurrence
     •  Request vs. demand
     •  The power of keeping and honoring our word
     •  Supporting additional requests and agreements to help people do what they agreed to, or help them realize that they do not actually want or feel truly willing to do what they had agreed to
     •  What they will do if/when agreements are not kept.
     •  Learning Cycle with Enemy Image Process


     •  Requests as present time, doable, clear. "I do not think that"s something really clear or doable. What do you want A to hear or say back?"
     •  Requests to be in POSITIVE language.
     •  Could counter NEGATIVE language with "That"s what she could not do, what could she do?"


Triad practice with the request phase

     •  In steps 1 - 4, disputants play roles with as much NVC skill as possible
     •  In step 5, disputants intentionally shift to less skill with requests