FROM STATEMENTS: (needs deceptively expressed)

This section developed by Jeff Tretsven and is not part of Ike and John's work.


My daughter needs to clean her room.

Feelings: annoyed, irritated, exasperated

Needs: order, safety, support, independence, interdependence, beauty


I can't believe you said that!

Feelings: surprise, shock, disbelief

Needs: honesty, authenticity, integrity, trust, appreciation, understanding, respect


You are so stupid!

Feelings: anger, frustration, rage

Needs: competence, to be understood, ease, order, effectiveness, respect, cooperation


You won't let me get a word in edgewise.

Feelings: frustration, irritation, anger

Needs: to be heard, understanding, equality, freedom, integrity, respect, consideration


Quit interrupting me!

Feelings: anger, frustration, annoyed, hurt

Needs: equality, to be heard, self-expression, communication, safety, trust, respect, consideration


You need to control everything!

Feelings: anger, resentment, tense, anxious

Needs: freedom, trust, ease, space, peace, respect, consideration


I feel betrayed.

Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disappointed, depressed, leery, dejected

Needs: trust, safety, acceptance, belonging, respect, consideration


Can I borrow $50.00?

Feelings: embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, anxious, self-conscious

Needs: ease, support, compassion, understanding, independence


I feel rejected.

Feelings: sad, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, hurt

Needs: connection, acceptance, appreciation, inclusion, trust, respect


I feel abandoned.

Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disappointed, depressed, lonely

Needs: companionship, trust, safety, acceptance, belonging, respect, consideration


You're not listening.

Feelings: frustration, irritation, anger, hurt, disappointment, disconnected, empathy

Needs: to be heard, understanding, equality, respect, consideration, intimacy



Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disconnected, tired, scared, confused

Needs: freedom, mutuality, cooperation, empathy, safety, consideration, respect


She's not making wise choices.

Feelings: concern, disappointment, confusion, annoyed, troubled

Needs: safety, understanding, contribution, competence, participation, awareness, support


I feel unappreciated.

Feelings: sad, angry, frustrated, puzzled, hurt, tired, overwhelmed

Needs: appreciation, acceptance, closeness, support, understanding, ease, equality


I feel I am constantly on call.

Feelings: tired, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, exhausted, dread

Needs: rest, support, appreciation, respect, consideration, joy, ease, peace, space


You are such a jerk!

Feelings: anger, frustration, rage, hurt, baffled

Needs: to be understood, ease, order, effectiveness, respect, cooperation, integrity


I feel unsupported.

Feelings: anger, disappointment, frustrated, withdrawn, scared

Needs: support, cooperation, ease, mutuality, interdependence, equality


I don't know!

Feelings: confused, puzzled, baffled, distracted, uninterested, frazzled

Needs: clarity, understanding, competence, efficiency, inspiration, effectiveness, creativity


It feels completely incomprehensible how you can do such a thing.

Feelings: perplexed, suspicious, outraged, disturbed, heartbroken

Needs: respect, consideration, harmony, trust, integrity