Finding the better feeling
FROM STATEMENTS: (needs deceptively expressed)
This section developed by Jeff Tretsven and is not part of Ike and John's work.
My daughter needs to clean her room.
Feelings: annoyed, irritated, exasperated
Needs: order, safety, support, independence, interdependence, beauty
I can't believe you said that!
Feelings: surprise, shock, disbelief
Needs: honesty, authenticity, integrity, trust, appreciation, understanding, respect
You are so stupid!
Feelings: anger, frustration, rage
Needs: competence, to be understood, ease, order, effectiveness, respect, cooperation
You won't let me get a word in edgewise.
Feelings: frustration, irritation, anger
Needs: to be heard, understanding, equality, freedom, integrity, respect, consideration
Quit interrupting me!
Feelings: anger, frustration, annoyed, hurt
Needs: equality, to be heard, self-expression, communication, safety, trust, respect, consideration
You need to control everything!
Feelings: anger, resentment, tense, anxious
Needs: freedom, trust, ease, space, peace, respect, consideration
I feel betrayed.
Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disappointed, depressed, leery, dejected
Needs: trust, safety, acceptance, belonging, respect, consideration
Can I borrow $50.00?
Feelings: embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, anxious, self-conscious
Needs: ease, support, compassion, understanding, independence
I feel rejected.
Feelings: sad, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, hurt
Needs: connection, acceptance, appreciation, inclusion, trust, respect
I feel abandoned.
Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disappointed, depressed, lonely
Needs: companionship, trust, safety, acceptance, belonging, respect, consideration
You're not listening.
Feelings: frustration, irritation, anger, hurt, disappointment, disconnected, empathy
Needs: to be heard, understanding, equality, respect, consideration, intimacy
Feelings: anger, hurt, sad, disconnected, tired, scared, confused
Needs: freedom, mutuality, cooperation, empathy, safety, consideration, respect
She's not making wise choices.
Feelings: concern, disappointment, confusion, annoyed, troubled
Needs: safety, understanding, contribution, competence, participation, awareness, support
I feel unappreciated.
Feelings: sad, angry, frustrated, puzzled, hurt, tired, overwhelmed
Needs: appreciation, acceptance, closeness, support, understanding, ease, equality
I feel I am constantly on call.
Feelings: tired, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, exhausted, dread
Needs: rest, support, appreciation, respect, consideration, joy, ease, peace, space
You are such a jerk!
Feelings: anger, frustration, rage, hurt, baffled
Needs: to be understood, ease, order, effectiveness, respect, cooperation, integrity
I feel unsupported.
Feelings: anger, disappointment, frustrated, withdrawn, scared
Needs: support, cooperation, ease, mutuality, interdependence, equality
I don't know!
Feelings: confused, puzzled, baffled, distracted, uninterested, frazzled
Needs: clarity, understanding, competence, efficiency, inspiration, effectiveness, creativity
It feels completely incomprehensible how you can do such a thing.
Feelings: perplexed, suspicious, outraged, disturbed, heartbroken
Needs: respect, consideration, harmony, trust, integrity
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