Background Story:
Your friend enters your office quickly and you barely have a chance to notice he is there before he starts talking.

I am so angry I could kick his ass! jackal puppet

Show explanations

Emotional Scale Quick Reference
Positive 1. Joy 2. Passion 3. Enthusiasm
4. Belief 5. Optimism 6. Hopefulness 7. Contentment
8. Boredom 9. Pessimism 10. Frustration 11. Overwhelment
12. Disappointment 13. Doubt 14. Worry 15. Blame
16. Discouragement 17. Anger 18. Revenge 19. Hatred
20. Jealousy 21. Guilt 22. Depression Negative

Before After Statement Explanation
17 10 I hear you are angry. Empathy for the emotion can take a lot of steam out of anger. It probably meets needs for acceptance and acknowledgment.
17 15 Can I help kick his butt. Acknowledging some of the other person’s behaviors may not have met your needs might move someone up the emotional scale. Hopefully he knows you are joking as you are not wanting to contribute to violence.
17 22 He is not that bad. Contradicting an angry person usually is not connecting. If you do, hopefully he or she is not prone to violence.
17 13 What did he do? Getting the person to make an observation usually helps calm down strong negative emotions. You are also demonstrating empathy by asking to have the opportunity to listen.
17 22 You should be ashamed, you have no reason to be angry. This could push the person toward guilt or anger at you. The person would be better off being angry at you than going to guilt. Be ready to run.
17 9 I hear you are angry, would you like some respect. Respect is almost a given for anger. Acknowledging the spoken need and guessing at the need would be most likely to move the person up the emotional scale.

Additional comments:
This is challenging to respond quickly to anger and takes practice. At least the anger was not directed at you which makes it a little easier.

Author Emotion Relationship Topic
Jeff Guilt Friends Death of pet
Vincent Blame Friends teen boys Video Game
Jeff Anger Co-worker friend Work Conflict
Jeff Blame Spouse/Roommate Dirty Dishes
Vincent/Jeff Frustration Friends Bad Throw
Vincent Blame Friends Merry Go Round
Jeff Tretsven Contentment Empathy Buddies Empathy Pause
Jeff Tretsven Blame Coworkers Heated Meeting
Jeff Tretsven Discouraged Friend/Family Self Criticism
Jeff Tretsven Worry Heir Apparent? Inheritance
Jeff Tretsven Discouraged NVC Peer Hearing No!
Submit your own Scenario
Home Learn NVC E.M. Intro NVC Glossary