Background Story:
You are leading a meeting, there are strong emotions in the room. People are talking loud and fast and more than one at a time. Someone says to you:
You are determined to do it your way!
| Emotional Scale Quick Reference | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Positive | 1. Joy | 2. Passion | 3. Enthusiasm |
| 4. Belief | 5. Optimism | 6. Hopefulness | 7. Contentment |
| 8. Boredom | 9. Pessimism | 10. Frustration | 11. Overwhelment |
| 12. Disappointment | 13. Doubt | 14. Worry | 15. Blame |
| 16. Discouragement | 17. Anger | 18. Revenge | 19. Hatred |
| 20. Jealousy | 21. Guilt | 22. Depression | Negative |
| Before | After | Statement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 15 | 9 | Are you upset with the way I am running the meeting? | Guessing the emotion and connecting it to an observation guess will get the person to see if that is the stimulus for their emotion and unmet need. This is usually calming. |
| 15 | 17 | I'm the one who will get the blame if things don't work out. | Someone in pain is crying out and you are focusing the attention on you. Not very connecting. |
| 15 | 11 | I am confused and would like understanding. Would you tell me what you are referring to? | Demonstrating you are willing to listen will usually lead to connection. |
| 15 | 16 | Do you think you could do it better? | Challenging someone and asking for thoughts usually is not connecting. |
| 15 | 9 | Would you like me to acknowledge there are other ways of doing it? | Guessing request with need (acknowledgment) most likely very connecting. |
| 15 | 16 | I'm exasperated and would like some ease. | Expressing emotion and need without a request typically leads to confusion and escalation of conflict. |
Additional comments:
A power struggle in front of a group. Demonstrating empathy here is about as hard as it gets.
| Author | Emotion | Relationship | Topic |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jeff | Guilt | Friends | Death of pet |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends teen boys | Video Game |
| Jeff | Anger | Co-worker friend | Work Conflict |
| Jeff | Blame | Spouse/Roommate | Dirty Dishes |
| Vincent/Jeff | Frustration | Friends | Bad Throw |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends | Merry Go Round |
| Jeff Tretsven | Contentment | Empathy Buddies | Empathy Pause |
| Jeff Tretsven | Blame | Coworkers | Heated Meeting |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | Friend/Family | Self Criticism |
| Jeff Tretsven | Worry | Heir Apparent? | Inheritance |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | NVC Peer | Hearing No! |
| Submit your own Scenario | |||
| Home | Learn NVC | E.M. Intro | NVC Glossary |