Background Story:
You meet someone you love, who you think is good looking by most people's standards.
I Feel ugly today. I was dumped.
| Emotional Scale Quick Reference | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Positive | 1. Joy | 2. Passion | 3. Enthusiasm |
| 4. Belief | 5. Optimism | 6. Hopefulness | 7. Contentment |
| 8. Boredom | 9. Pessimism | 10. Frustration | 11. Overwhelment |
| 12. Disappointment | 13. Doubt | 14. Worry | 15. Blame |
| 16. Discouragement | 17. Anger | 18. Revenge | 19. Hatred |
| 20. Jealousy | 21. Guilt | 22. Depression | Negative |
| Before | After | Statement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 16 | 19 | You're very attractive, you will find someone else. | Contradicting and placating, not connecting. |
| 16 | 12 | Are you discouraged and wanting to be valued? | Guessing a feeling and need will most likely move someone up the emotional scale. In this situation this is a huge improvement. |
| 16 | 18 | You deserve better. | Although probably true, saying it may lead the person to feel even worse. |
| 16 | 19 | I never did like him/her. | Someone in pain is expressing and instead of empathy you are stating your opinion, which is indirect advice. |
| 16 | 18 | There is an important lesson to be learned here. | This is about the last thing someone in pain wants to hear. Hopefully the revenge will not be acted out on you. If it is there is a lesson for you. |
| 16 | 11 | I am hearing you had a rough day, would you like to talk about it? | Offering to be there for someone is usually helpful. |
Additional comments:
This is an especially hard situation to be empathic. When we care about someone we want to help. Marshall says when it is hardest to be empathic is probably when it is the most important.
| Author | Emotion | Relationship | Topic |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jeff | Guilt | Friends | Death of pet |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends teen boys | Video Game |
| Jeff | Anger | Co-worker friend | Work Conflict |
| Jeff | Blame | Spouse/Roommate | Dirty Dishes |
| Vincent/Jeff | Frustration | Friends | Bad Throw |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends | Merry Go Round |
| Jeff Tretsven | Contentment | Empathy Buddies | Empathy Pause |
| Jeff Tretsven | Blame | Coworkers | Heated Meeting |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | Friend/Family | Self Criticism |
| Jeff Tretsven | Worry | Heir Apparent? | Inheritance |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | NVC Peer | Hearing No! |
| Submit your own Scenario | |||
| Home | Learn NVC | E.M. Intro | NVC Glossary |