Talking Stick


Intensity Dial Remember to set the intensity

Intensity Chart

Gymnast doing L cross

Skills to Practice
Empathy-presence , understanding/meaning, need language/deepening, action.

Connection Requests - asking each party to reflect what they heard of the other's needs and how each feels hearing or being heard.

"Pulling by the Ears" - re-requesting when the person has not reflected the other's needs.

Emergency First Aid Empathy when person is in too much pain to reflect back other's needs.

Tracking where you are in the process and the needs that have been expressed.

Interrupting with the intention to connect with the speaker's inner experience vs. judgments.

Self Empathy for the mediator.

Self Expression by the mediator.

Solution Requests - present, positive, action language, to get all needs met compassionately.

Triad Practice (weekly) -- Putting your life in the chairs for growth and healing, and deepening the 9 skills, including the "Need Behind the 'No'"/Group Decision Making Process of the Solution Request/Agreement Phase. Also putting internal conflicts into the chairs.

How to Use the Tracking Aid


1. The timer is a count up timer only and will reset to zero if you put in a time and hit start.

2. The talking stick is movable and can be moved on the page to keep track of where you are. This is most helpful when switching roles so you can remember where you left off. It is also helpful when Emergency Empathy is needed.

3. The text boxes can be filled in with names and notes to help keep track of who is who and observations for feedback. This is especially helpful when the issue is for one of the participants and they are playing a role opposite themselves. From my experience I can take notes as a participant or coach but not as a mediator on the computer. Hand written works OK for the mediator.

4. You can see the skills to practice on the right and by clicking on Skills to Practice you can see a more detailed explanation of the skills and more NVC mediation resources. Use the checkboxes to keep track of which skills the mediator is focusing on.

5. Select from the Intensity Chart to choose a level.

The Needs Tracker

This is a fun tool for keeping track of the needs during a mediation. This may be too distracting for a mediator. A coach or assistant might be a better person to use it.