Background Story:
You are practicing your best Nonviolent Communication skills. Your request is, Would you tell me what you heard me say?
No.
| Emotional Scale Quick Reference | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Positive | 1. Joy | 2. Passion | 3. Enthusiasm |
| 4. Belief | 5. Optimism | 6. Hopefulness | 7. Contentment |
| 8. Boredom | 9. Pessimism | 10. Frustration | 11. Overwhelment |
| 12. Disappointment | 13. Doubt | 14. Worry | 15. Blame |
| 16. Discouragement | 17. Anger | 18. Revenge | 19. Hatred |
| 20. Jealousy | 21. Guilt | 22. Depression | Negative |
| Before | After | Statement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 16 | 13 | Do you have something you would like me to hear? | Demonstrating a willingness to listen is usually soothing. |
| 16 | 11 | Is what I shared painful to hear? | Acknowledging that you are the stimulus for someone's pain is a good start for healing. Be aware, you are never the cause only the stimulus. |
| 16 | 12 | Would you tell me what need of yours would not be met by honoring my request? | This is the classic NVC response to a no. Demonstrates care for the other person. |
| 16 | 17 | Is there something I could do so you would say yes? | This is tricky territory and can easily be interpreted as manipulation. Your concern seems to be more about your request than what is alive in the other. |
| 16 | 19 | Don't expect any favors from me! | Threats rarely lead to connection. If they do it, it will be with resentment and you will eventually pay for it. |
| 16 | 18 | When I hear no, I am frustrated and would like cooperation. Would you please honor my request? | Although this fits the NVC model for honesty it is not showing concern for the other. The word pleasedoes not turn a demand into a request. |
Additional comments:
Hearing a no
after being vulnerable can be quite a challenge to stay connected enough to our needs to respond with empathy.
| Author | Emotion | Relationship | Topic |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jeff | Guilt | Friends | Death of pet |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends teen boys | Video Game |
| Jeff | Anger | Co-worker friend | Work Conflict |
| Jeff | Blame | Spouse/Roommate | Dirty Dishes |
| Vincent/Jeff | Frustration | Friends | Bad Throw |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends | Merry Go Round |
| Jeff Tretsven | Contentment | Empathy Buddies | Empathy Pause |
| Jeff Tretsven | Blame | Coworkers | Heated Meeting |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | Friend/Family | Self Criticism |
| Jeff Tretsven | Worry | Heir Apparent? | Inheritance |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | NVC Peer | Hearing No! |
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