Background Story:
You have been giving your friend empathy. She was very upset as people expect her to role model conflict resolution and she has been in such conflict she is not talking to her colleague. You have calmed her down to contentment.
(She stops talking.)
| Emotional Scale Quick Reference | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Positive | 1. Joy | 2. Passion | 3. Enthusiasm |
| 4. Belief | 5. Optimism | 6. Hopefulness | 7. Contentment |
| 8. Boredom | 9. Pessimism | 10. Frustration | 11. Overwhelment |
| 12. Disappointment | 13. Doubt | 14. Worry | 15. Blame |
| 16. Discouragement | 17. Anger | 18. Revenge | 19. Hatred |
| 20. Jealousy | 21. Guilt | 22. Depression | Negative |
| Before | After | Statement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 6 | (After pause) Is there anything else? | Checking to be sure she is done will help move her up the emotional scale. Shows care and concern. |
| 7 | 5 | (Silence) | Demonstrating you will wait until she says she is done will usually help sooth. Some people might want you to say something. |
| 7 | 17 | If I were you I would straighten this out ASAP! | Giving unsolicited advice is about the most pain inducing thing you could do at this point. Seems to be what most people want to do. |
| 7 | 4 | Would you like a reflection from me? | Helping her make a request can move her up the emotional scale if she doesn't know what she wants from you. |
| 7 | 16 | What do you think your colleague is feeling? | If she is not ready to empathize with the other person pushing her too soon can be very stimulating. |
| 7 | 10 | When I hear about this argument I am surprised. I am wanting competence. | Even though this is expressing in NVC it is likely to be heard as judgmental. The timing is atrocious. |
Additional comments:
If you are not familiar with practicing empathy and getting feedback for how it is received this one may be difficult to understand. I hope it makes the point about advice.
| Author | Emotion | Relationship | Topic |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jeff | Guilt | Friends | Death of pet |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends teen boys | Video Game |
| Jeff | Anger | Co-worker friend | Work Conflict |
| Jeff | Blame | Spouse/Roommate | Dirty Dishes |
| Vincent/Jeff | Frustration | Friends | Bad Throw |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends | Merry Go Round |
| Jeff Tretsven | Contentment | Empathy Buddies | Empathy Pause |
| Jeff Tretsven | Blame | Coworkers | Heated Meeting |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | Friend/Family | Self Criticism |
| Jeff Tretsven | Worry | Heir Apparent? | Inheritance |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | NVC Peer | Hearing No! |
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